“Le garçon agaçant”
__ Garçon! Garçon!
__ Oui, madame?
__ What do you have for drinks?
__ Well, we serve different types of coffee, but if you would like some wine, I can bring over the connoisseur. We also have an assortment of apéritifs.
__ I would love a café au lait and I think Betty would like some wine.
__ Yes, I would love that.
__ I will send over the connoisseur, but in the meantime, would you care for some amuse-bouche?
__ That would be great! What do you offer?
__ We,, we have a platter of assorted hors d’oeuvres and a plate of escargots.
__ A plate of hors d’oeuvres would be great. Thank you.
__ I like this place a lot. The decor is très à la mode. This is a great place to have a tête à tête.
(waiter returns)
__ Voilà le connoisseur.
__ Merci.
__ What are the soups you serve here?
__ Well, our soup du jour has a roux base. It is a crème de la crème.
__ That sounds great!
__ As for food, what are the things à la carte?
__ Well, our plat du jour is a T-bone steak au jus. It’s haute cuisine.
__ Hmm, je ne sais pas.
(Later)
__ Well, that was très bon.
__ Yes, it was very good. I absolutely love this restaurant.
__ Me too! What is your favorite part?
__ I like the atmosphere. The music is my favorite genre. I think I will write to the restaurateur and tell him.
__ Good idea. Oh, look! Here comes the waiter!
__ Can I interest you in some entremets?
__ Oui, bien sûr!
__ We have crème brûlée and crêpes. We also have mousse au chocolat and a plate of assorted bonbons.
__ I would like some mousse au chocolat.
Sam G. and Sally B.
“The entourage”
Dan goes to a Mardi Gras cocktail soirée. He used his carte d’identité at the door. Inside, his fiancée, Danielle, takes off her faux fur jacket and hung it in the armoire. The garçon comes.
“Hors d’oeuvres?” He asks, holding out the tray. “We have escargots.”
“Merci beaucoup” says Danielle, taking hors d’oeuvres. “Zut alors! Here comes Johnny, my ex beau, with his entourage. He is so cliché with another blonde coquette and wearing his knock off chapeau. He should go back to his château in Ireland.”
Johnny walks over to them and says snottily, “Hi Dan and Danielle. Have you met my new girlfriend? Très chic, no? She’s Miss America, and also a grand couturier. She is not déclassée, like you.” “Je m’appelle Carey,” says his naïve girlfriend. “Do you like my ensemble? It is the dernier cri. “I think it’s un peu risqué and très passé.”
“Au contraire!” she counters.
“Your outfit is de trop. A major faux pas. But, c’est la vie!”
David, the protégé of Johnny’s entourage, steps in. “Qu’est-ce que c’est? What’s going on? This is not proper “savoir-vivre”. Moi, I think this is wrong!” And he changes conversation. “So, Dan, are your kids getting along with your nouveau au pair?
Dan smiles. “Yes, they are at my maison right now.” Johnny snickers “I bet your maison makes my coquette look à la mode!
Casey gasps. “Excusez-moi? We are fini. Done. You petite naive enfant terrible! The ingénue storms out of the soirée and knocks over the King’s cake before it was even served.
“Quelle horreur! She sabotaged the soirée! says Dan grabbing a handful of escargots from the garçon’s tray. “What a terrible faux-pas! Adieu, Johnny! But Johnny has already left, flirting with the chanteuse who was reclining on a chaise longue.
Kate M. April P.
“At the café”
__ What would I get you as an apéritif?
__ I would like a café au lait s’il vous plaît.
__ Same with moi.
__ And for an amuse bouche?
__ How about the escargots?
__ They are extraordinaire!
__ I will try that nouvelle cuisine.
__ May I have the soup du jour?
__ Coming right up!
(the waiter leaves and returns with food)
__ Voilà. Bon appétit. What would you like for your plat de resistance?
__ For my entrée, I would like a mirepoix.
__ I will have the plat du jour.
(waiter brings food)
__ Here is your food. Bon appétit.
__ Merci beaucoup. C’est magnifique!
__ Yes, the crème de la crème.
__ Will you stay for entremets?
__ Yes, I will have the mousse à la mode.
__ I would like the crème brûlée.
__ Would you like this meal charged à la carte?
__ Au contraire! We will pay with cash.
__ Could you give me my chapeau so I can get en route. I have to meet my fiancé.
__ Here you go! Au revoir!
__ Adieu!
Ellie F. Hayden V.
“Le grand prix”
One day, at the Grand Prix, where people were à gogo, a chanteuse sang the National Anthem. The crowd shouted, en bloc, “Encore, Encore! Another chanson!”
And then, en masse, they charged the stage, with an idée fixe. The naïve woman ran hors de combat screaming “Sacré bleu!” But then with an incredible tour de force, she launched a coup de main, and the artiste beat back her déclassé oppessors.
The next day, a newspaper report was published, describing the coup de foudre. The article stated that the riot was caused by the coquette, an entrepreneur with an élan who wore too much eau de toilette and who was très gauche. It said that the act was du jour and that Nascar had made a giant gaffe, hiring such an louche ingénue.
Overall, it was a very comme-ci comme ça event. In their defense, Nascar claimed they had hired her faute de mieux, which had turned out to be a major faux pas. “Oh well,” they stated in their next press release. “C’est la vie!”
Ari S. Drew O.
“The scandal”
(Bruno: Fashion designer, Heidi Klum: supermodel; they are having lunch, going over designs for a float for Mardi Gras)
__ Je m’appelle Bruno.
__ Je m’appelle Heidi Klum.
__ I am your couturier.
__ Shall we order?
__Yes.
__ I would like the soup du jour and escargots. And you?
__ I will just have a café au lait.
__ Trying to stay petite?
__ Yes. (Haha)
__ So, do you have my couture dress idea for the float?
__ Don’t worry, Mardi Gras is a month away…
__ Can you show me your ideas?
__ Sure. By the way, I like your eau de toilette. You also have an élan.
__ Merci beaucoup.
__ Here is the first design.
__ You are a naïve fool. This is très très faux!
__ Zut alors! Here is the other.
__ Qu’est-ce que c’est? Quelle horreur! It looks like your friend sabotaged your dress.
__ Merde! Third one is the charm!
__ C’est magnifique! Excellent! This is quite nouveau! This dress is for the haut monde. It will fit your derrière nicely!
__ That’s why I am here! Now, where is that garcon with our food!
__ Here. Sorry it took so long. The mousse is on the house. Bon appétit!
Kavi W. Will D.
“A Gogo”
(At a très fancy restaurant named à Gogo.)
__ Voilà. Here are your seats.
__ Oh my God! I have the worst life! My au pair left me to return to France. My fiancé left me and said “adieu” as he was walking out the door! This is all déjà vu… everyone leaves me in the end! Without a doubt, this is going to be the worst Mardi Gras ever!
__ Au contraire! We’re still here! As for all the other people leaving you, c’est la vie!
__ But, we have been a clique since high school, where we were all coquettes and of course, très chic! All of the déclassé boys were all over us!
__ And all the ones with beaucoup de bucks!
__ OK, while you eternal blondes are talking about the past, I am preparing my future, mainly preparing my résumé and repertoire of skills.
__ You have always been the crème de la crème when it comes to work! But while you are preparing your résumé, I will be wearing my very first petite dress! C’est magnifique!
__ You have gotten into a petite dress before!
__ Petite? Moi? My derrière has been too big since Junior High! Entre nous, I have been a size six!
__ In celebration of being small again, I think you should have some food! Garçon, garcon!
__ Bonjour, je m’appelle Henri. Can I start you off with some hors d’oeuvres? Our soup du jour is clam chowder. Our salad du jour is a house salad with Italian vinaigrette. The plat de résistance is filet mignon. For entremets, we have escargots in a crêpe with a mélange of cheese. For dessert, we have crème brûlée à la mode and a mousse au chocolat. And you can get this all at a prix fixe, $100 per person. En masse, you can get this for $250.
__ $100! Je ne sais pas! That’s a lot!
__ You are so naïve. That’s a really good price!
__ I have been to nice places before! Merci beaucoup!
__ What other dressing do you have?
__ I don’t know. Let me go ask the maître D. Merde, this is nouvelle cuisine for me. Pardon.
__ That waiter is not from the haut monde!
__ I like his tie though! The fleur de lys were pretty.
__ I hated his faux fur collar though! Definitely not haute couture! What a fashion gaffe. It was totally de trop!
__ And that hair! He definitely needs a chapeau!
Jay E. Grace M.
